Thanks, [ he says quietly, though he can't explain why. He can't put into words what it means that Noah understands, that he said exactly the right thing right away.
His hand moves in small, meaningless circles on the back of Noah's shirt. He's draped over Matthew like a boyfriend blanket right now, and under other circumstances Matthew might wonder if this kind of closeness is totally appropriate but right now he's still relieved that he only lost four days and not four weeks or months or years, and having Noah this close feels comforting.
[He pulls back just enough to see him, eyes wide and concerned.]
Hey, that wasn't your fault. Don't even worry about it.
[One thumb traces idly over the side of Matthew's cheek. In any other circumstance, he would be going mad with the intimacy, pressed up against each other in the blankets.]
[ For a moment Matthew just looks back at him, a little wide-eyed as well, and then he slowly relaxes, a soft smile spreading across his face. ]
Okay, [ he says quietly, tilting his head to press his cheek into Noah's palm. It's not going away--his being a dream, and everything that comes with it. The reality of it is pressed in Matthew's sheets and pillows, four days of unplanned and unwilling sleep.
But Noah's here; he isn't going away either, even after the stark reminder of Matthew's unpredictable existence. He closes his eyes, fingers curling slightly into Noah's shirt. ]
[Noah can't help but smile, his eyes a little damp - he's with Matthew, after four long days of thinking he'd lost him for good, and on top of that he's got Ronan back. For the first time in years, he feels like he's finally won.]
Hopefully not too soon.
[Because he's leaning in for a kiss that he doesn't quite want Ronan to see. It's soft, full of relief, but a little greedy. He pulls one warm lip between his own, sliding his hands up, nail-first, into Matthew's hair. His chest heaves against Matthew's, and a stream of thought slips out like air through a crack.
god i'm so glad you're here don't leave please don't leave i couldn't handle it please i need to be close to you i need to be closer to you i want to just breathe you in
It all translates into the smallest of noises, barely there, deep in his throat.]
[ Everything is fine, more than fine, even, until Noah's thoughts slip right into Matthew's mind like they belong there, and then he breaks the kiss with a soft sound of his own, almost a gasp. He's too simple, and it's too much. ]
Noah--
[ But he doesn't pull away; they're still so close, noses and foreheads touching, Matthew's hands holding Noah's face now like some precious thing. He doesn't want to leave either; to lose Noah, and this; to say goodbye to everyone he's met here and never see the Meadows again--but he doesn't think there's anything he can do to stop it. If Ronan leaves again, Matthew will fall asleep. That's what happens. It makes something in his chest clench, thinking about it while Noah's thoughts are still echoing in his head. ]
I wish--
[ Right now, every little part of him wants to promise that he won't leave again, but it wouldn't be a promise he can keep. It could be a lie. ]
I wish I could do something, [ he says instead, as earnest as he is helpless, his eyes falling closed again as his thumb traces a tender line along Noah's jaw. ]
[It takes Noah a moment to even realize what's happened - he pants against Matthew's mouth, eyes flitting in confusion until they finally come to rest, wide and apologetic. He fumbles with his words.]
I'm sorry, I didn't mean... It's okay. I'll be okay, Matthew.
[It's a half-truth. An uncertainty. Noah could cope.]
Look, shitty things could happen all the time, but you can't just be scared of them. No one would ever be happy that way. You just have to enjoy what you've got. And I am. I'm really, really happy, right now. So please, don't worry about me.
[ Matthew's power lets him feel exactly how incomplete that truth is, but he thinks he might've known even without it. He'll lose Noah someday, one way or another, and that's not okay, either. For now-- ]
I'm happy, too, [ he assures him, opening his eyes again and, after a second, pressing another kiss to Noah's mouth. It's one of those small gestures meant to hold a great deal of meaning--he's so happy with what they have, this relationship that they practically stumbled into. He doesn't want to waste time worrying about the future. If Noah's willing to consider this whole thing as no more than a close call, then that's what Matthew wants, too.
He falls back into something easier, lingering on the relief that Ronan came back, and the feel of Noah's cheek under his fingertips. ]
[Noah sinks back into the kiss, Matthew's sweet thoughts melting on his tongue. A soft, needy sound pulls itself out of his throat. He just wants this - affection, security, warmth. It's something he's never had before, and he's hungry for it, for as long as he can have it.]
Can I...
[He thinks it into Matthew's head, fingers twisting into blond curls. Slow and tentative, he licks at the bow of Matthew's lips.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah. Yeah, he is.
[He feels like he's going to cry out of sheer relief, but he fights to hold it in - Matthew doesn't any reason to worry.]
Y-you didn't miss much.
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Thanks, [ he says quietly, though he can't explain why. He can't put into words what it means that Noah understands, that he said exactly the right thing right away.
His hand moves in small, meaningless circles on the back of Noah's shirt. He's draped over Matthew like a boyfriend blanket right now, and under other circumstances Matthew might wonder if this kind of closeness is totally appropriate but right now he's still relieved that he only lost four days and not four weeks or months or years, and having Noah this close feels comforting.
There's something else, too. ]
Sorry-- about our date. That was weird.
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Hey, that wasn't your fault. Don't even worry about it.
[One thumb traces idly over the side of Matthew's cheek. In any other circumstance, he would be going mad with the intimacy, pressed up against each other in the blankets.]
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Okay, [ he says quietly, tilting his head to press his cheek into Noah's palm. It's not going away--his being a dream, and everything that comes with it. The reality of it is pressed in Matthew's sheets and pillows, four days of unplanned and unwilling sleep.
But Noah's here; he isn't going away either, even after the stark reminder of Matthew's unpredictable existence. He closes his eyes, fingers curling slightly into Noah's shirt. ]
Ronan said he's coming back soon.
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Hopefully not too soon.
[Because he's leaning in for a kiss that he doesn't quite want Ronan to see. It's soft, full of relief, but a little greedy. He pulls one warm lip between his own, sliding his hands up, nail-first, into Matthew's hair. His chest heaves against Matthew's, and a stream of thought slips out like air through a crack.
god i'm so glad you're here don't leave please don't leave i couldn't handle it please i need to be close to you i need to be closer to you i want to just breathe you in
It all translates into the smallest of noises, barely there, deep in his throat.]
no subject
Noah--
[ But he doesn't pull away; they're still so close, noses and foreheads touching, Matthew's hands holding Noah's face now like some precious thing. He doesn't want to leave either; to lose Noah, and this; to say goodbye to everyone he's met here and never see the Meadows again--but he doesn't think there's anything he can do to stop it. If Ronan leaves again, Matthew will fall asleep. That's what happens. It makes something in his chest clench, thinking about it while Noah's thoughts are still echoing in his head. ]
I wish--
[ Right now, every little part of him wants to promise that he won't leave again, but it wouldn't be a promise he can keep. It could be a lie. ]
I wish I could do something, [ he says instead, as earnest as he is helpless, his eyes falling closed again as his thumb traces a tender line along Noah's jaw. ]
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I'm sorry, I didn't mean... It's okay. I'll be okay, Matthew.
[It's a half-truth. An uncertainty. Noah could cope.]
Look, shitty things could happen all the time, but you can't just be scared of them. No one would ever be happy that way. You just have to enjoy what you've got. And I am. I'm really, really happy, right now. So please, don't worry about me.
no subject
I'm happy, too, [ he assures him, opening his eyes again and, after a second, pressing another kiss to Noah's mouth. It's one of those small gestures meant to hold a great deal of meaning--he's so happy with what they have, this relationship that they practically stumbled into. He doesn't want to waste time worrying about the future. If Noah's willing to consider this whole thing as no more than a close call, then that's what Matthew wants, too.
He falls back into something easier, lingering on the relief that Ronan came back, and the feel of Noah's cheek under his fingertips. ]
no subject
Can I...
[He thinks it into Matthew's head, fingers twisting into blond curls. Slow and tentative, he licks at the bow of Matthew's lips.]