[ Sometimes Matthew gets a little tired of the word "safe", sometimes it feels like a low ceiling that keeps him from standing as tall as he hopes to be able.
And then there are moments like this, resetting his entire relationship with the word: Ronan combing his fingers through Matthew's hair, a whole nightmare put behind them. Matthew feels warm, untouchable, safe without limitation. ]
Yes, I want to! [ he laughs excitedly, delighted by the offer. ] I would've asked if you didn't say anything.
It'll probably be a little different next time we go. And I wanna make sure it's still okay in there without Adam and Magnus around. There's a lot about me that's different now, not just the thing that was happening before.
[ Matthew's quite pleased that Ronan knew he would want to go back into his dream, if he could. ]
Okay! [ he agrees quickly, ready to comply with whatever all the rules are. ] We'll do it whatever way you think is the best. I don't mind waiting. [ He thinks for a moment. ] The other things that are different... Is it stuff you can tell me?
[Ronan considers that for a moment while he continues to comb his fingers through Matthew's hair.]
It's not about whether I can. I just don't really know how to say it.
[As usual.]
I've changed a little. What I can do, I mean. But I've been too messed up to figure out how, exactly, so it's mostly just... this feeling. Like I've done something before I actually do it. Or like I'm everywhere, but I'm not. Obviously. I thought that feeling was because I was coming apart, but I'm not anymore, and I'm still feeling it.
[ Matthew could spend the rest of the day like this if his brother wanted. He listens patiently as Ronan tries to explain, though it doesn't make much sense to him. ]
It sounds like a lot, [ he agrees when Ronan finishes. But he's not going to leave it at that, because he really does want to try to understand. He just has to go over the explanation a few times, put it through a Matthew filter. ] So it's like... There's more going on with you than you knew before, and now you've got to figure out what to do with it?
[ Is that right? Haha wait, that's kind of how Matthew feels. ]
[ Matthew's so pleased he simply beams for two whole seconds without words, letting the happiness inside of himself do its thing. Another fluff cloud poofs into existence. ]
Ronan. I'm so happy it was me. I mean, that I can do something like that. I knew my power was nice, but--
[ He's getting off track. ]
Anyway. [ He laughs. ] I'm here. For you. While you figure everything out. I know you can do it.
[It's a nice cycle. The happier Matthew gets, the happier Ronan gets, the happier Matthew gets... He had not thought Matthew would save him, but in retrospect, of course Matthew would save him. What else could so effectively chase away his inner darkness?]
[Ronan high-fives him, grinning. There's more to it than that, but emotion is a difficult thing to wrangle into words, so it takes Ronan a moment to continue.]
You know you do a lot for me, right? Not just magically saving my ass, I mean. I feel better about everything, every time I see you. The world's better with you in it.
[ Ronan's words make Matthew so happy, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He wants to jump up and run, to lay here and sigh, to turn into a cloud and float towards the sun. His joy circuits are thoroughly overloaded.
He goes for something closer to the first option, springing up into a seated position and attempting to drag Ronan up as well, the laughter bubbling out of him now. ]
Ronan, you too. The world's better with you in it.
[ Matthew loves him so much, it doesn't feel like quite enough to say the same thing right back. So he digs deep, tries to come up with the words for what's going on in this heart Ronan dreamed into him. ]
If I could use my power on me, this is the memory I'd see. This is the best one.
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And then there are moments like this, resetting his entire relationship with the word: Ronan combing his fingers through Matthew's hair, a whole nightmare put behind them. Matthew feels warm, untouchable, safe without limitation. ]
Yes, I want to! [ he laughs excitedly, delighted by the offer. ] I would've asked if you didn't say anything.
no subject
[It isn't shocking.]
It'll probably be a little different next time we go. And I wanna make sure it's still okay in there without Adam and Magnus around. There's a lot about me that's different now, not just the thing that was happening before.
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Okay! [ he agrees quickly, ready to comply with whatever all the rules are. ] We'll do it whatever way you think is the best. I don't mind waiting. [ He thinks for a moment. ] The other things that are different... Is it stuff you can tell me?
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It's not about whether I can. I just don't really know how to say it.
[As usual.]
I've changed a little. What I can do, I mean. But I've been too messed up to figure out how, exactly, so it's mostly just... this feeling. Like I've done something before I actually do it. Or like I'm everywhere, but I'm not. Obviously. I thought that feeling was because I was coming apart, but I'm not anymore, and I'm still feeling it.
It's not bad. It's just a lot.
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It sounds like a lot, [ he agrees when Ronan finishes. But he's not going to leave it at that, because he really does want to try to understand. He just has to go over the explanation a few times, put it through a Matthew filter. ] So it's like... There's more going on with you than you knew before, and now you've got to figure out what to do with it?
[ Is that right? Haha wait, that's kind of how Matthew feels. ]
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[Ronan's impressed that Matthew put it so succinctly.]
That's exactly it. There's so much I couldn't see before, because I was so sick. You kind of turned on the lights for me.
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Ronan. I'm so happy it was me. I mean, that I can do something like that. I knew my power was nice, but--
[ He's getting off track. ]
Anyway. [ He laughs. ] I'm here. For you. While you figure everything out. I know you can do it.
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Thanks, bro.
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Sure thing, bro. [ He lifts his hand for a high five. ]
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You know you do a lot for me, right? Not just magically saving my ass, I mean. I feel better about everything, every time I see you. The world's better with you in it.
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He goes for something closer to the first option, springing up into a seated position and attempting to drag Ronan up as well, the laughter bubbling out of him now. ]
Ronan, you too. The world's better with you in it.
[ Matthew loves him so much, it doesn't feel like quite enough to say the same thing right back. So he digs deep, tries to come up with the words for what's going on in this heart Ronan dreamed into him. ]
If I could use my power on me, this is the memory I'd see. This is the best one.